IT’S ALL IN YOUR HEAD
When I was much younger, I pulled back from a lot of fights. I rather hurt and bear certain pains than talk about it. I swallowed things up and choked on many, while those that hurt me walked around with their heads up. I was the one who could let others have the bigger share of things. Sometimes I’ll have to manage the leftovers or leave entirely with nothing. I couldn’t say NO to certain demands because I couldn’t stand up for what I want or believe in. I wallowed in bull$h*t because I allowed it. I wanted peace so much that I had to sacrifice my own happiness. I was so afraid of being ME. People’s opinion mattered so much.
More than anything, I wanted to be everybody’s sweetheart. The question is, after much sacrifice and the quest to be loved, did I get the peace, acceptance and love I wanted? NO! It was a total misery. I spent most of my time crying, feeling wasted and used; trying to explain to people who I am and how I wish to be treated. I bent so much like a free ride, and people enjoyed it.
But as time goes by, I had to do some checks and balances. I had to look inwardly and tell myself the humble but bitter truth, which is “The only reason why I’m seeking for people to validate my feelings is because I don’t trust or love myself enough, and haven’t come to terms with my personality.”
I had to start the journey to self discovery. I started loving myself; I stopped forcing myself to be an extrovert and accepted my personality as an introvert. I realized that being quiet and reserved doesn’t in any way suggest I’m weak like many presume. I had to find strength and happiness in what makes me unique, and also appreciate other people’s strength and abilities.
The viable point is: ALL YOU OWE PEOPLE IS YOUR TRUE SELF. It’s their take or call to accept you the way you are. You can’t fight or force people to love and accept you. I am no longer that weak girl who accepts kick from all angles. I’ve learnt to fight back, to say NO to things I’m not comfortable with. I proudly call myself an introvert and I don’t think less of myself ANYMORE. I no longer wish to be someone else; rather I thrive to be a better version of myself. You too can do the same and be comfortable in your own skin.
In life, if you don’t take charge of whom you are, people will blow and throw you around like the wind. For one to excel, he or she needs to be mentally, physically, and psychologically strong.
Appreciate others and love yourself some more! The way you present yourself is the way you’ll be treated. You either come out strong as a tiger or tigress, or crawl like a sucker!