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Fear of acceptance


My first exposure to adoption happened many years ago as a teenager. We had a family friend that legally adopted two children after years of childlessness. She was afraid to let anyone know the kids were adopted. I could not understand her desire to lie about the process of her having those children until many years after.

I remember sitting in the church and during a testimony, a woman who was dedicating her child slighted other women who couldn’t conceive and give birth. To her, there was something wrong and ungodly with women who could not give birth ‘naturally’. What nailed my contempt was when she stated that ‘they did not pray or believe God enough’.

I came home disappointed and furious. My mom was so hurt but she said nothing until I expressed my anger. That evening was our first heart to heart talk about motherhood and the many pressures that come with it. That was the day I was fully told the circumstances of my birth.
I don’t know where we got it wrong but it is sad to see people view valid ways of having children as wrong or evil or unnatural.

Last two years, I found myself in the midst of an annoying story about a pastor’s wife in my city that had her two children through IVF. When I asked the ladies what exactly was wrong with ‘IVF’, none gave me an answer.
I still find it disquieting that people think science is the opposite of faith. No it isn’t.

There is nothing conflicting about faith and science. Those two are complementary and compatible. You are not less a believer because you seek scientific and medical solutions to your problems or issues.

You’re not less a Christian because you rely on science and the many beautiful options out there. And yes, science is another form of a miracle, a well researched and fact-filled miracle.

‎I am sincerely tired of testimonies/people that shame women who get ‘medical’ assistance in conceiving and giving birth. One of the things we need to unlearn, especially for Christians is the misleading story of the Hebrew women.

I am tired of the shame and stigma we attach to the many beautiful options out there to have children.

Like I always tell my mom, I will fully explore all available options to have a child if and when I desire, and I will do that with no apology or shame because there is nothing to be ashamed of in the first place.

If I decide to birth all my children through CS, I will do just that. It does not make me less of a woman or mother. Those are nonsensical theories.

With the many valid, beautiful and wonderful options out there, rather than gratitude we seem to think that something must be evil about it?

Credit: Enwongo Cleopas


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